…the best policy?I’ve been deep in thought over this idiom that everyone just throws around with such ease.Honesty is the best policy,not sometimes but always.My heart( as always) is slowly tagging behind mind in this.
Having a relationship with Christ kind-off makes this one of your virtue’s ,well that’s the case with me anyway but of late I find the practicality of it lacking.I know I know,I’m supposed to be this perfect being with all T’s and I’s not just dotted but done with optimum perfection. We’ll since I’m giving this honesty thing a go,I’m glad we got that out of the way.Huh,oh yes Honesty.
According to the psychotherapists Carl Rogers (in the 1960’s) , Margaret and Jordan Paul (in the 1980s) , and Brad Blanton (in the 1990’s) , there is one main reason people suffer in their relationships with one another. And it’s not best understood as some jargon about egos and superegos. It’s that we need to face more of the truth, tell more of the truth about what’s
happening in our lives, about how we feel and about what we ourselves are doing and that includes being honest about our struggle with not only being honest but accepting/reacting to honesty.
These days honesty is such a rare trait that those courageous enough to practice it are labeled
anything from rude,attention seeker,bad coupled by the annoying look of disapproval.To me it seems the facade’s we so comfortably wear have become the new normal.Don’t get me wrong I’m not condoning rudeness and utter disregard for people, not at all.Just Honesty and not being chastised because of it.
This is not an easy task. Early in life, according to Rogers, we discovered that if we said what we really felt and wanted, the big important people in our lives would get unhappy with us (and, I should add in some cases like mine,perhaps even slap us across the face). And since we needed their love and approval, we started being good little boys and girls and saying whatever would get us peace. As a result of this, many people arrive in adult life(gosh I still can’t believe I’m an adult now) with a giant gap between what they actually feel and what the role they play says they are supposed to feel, and with no skills for closing that gap.For example, as a child you were supposed to love your parents, right? But what if you suffered abuse at the hand of your parents? How do you handle the gap between the fact that you’re supposed to love them and the
fact that you don’t like them that much if at all?
It is always tempting to pretend that everything is just fine. But I believe very strongly that we will all like ourselves a lot more if we choose the troubles that come from being more honest and more engaged, rather than the troubles that come from various forms of conflict
avoidance and self-deception, such as “I’ll feel better if I have another drink.” or
“What she doesn’t know won’t hurt her.” or my personal favourite “I’ve been through worse,I’m okay”.
Our truthful lives will probably not get any easier(trust me on this), but they will get a lot more.
satisfying.And what’s amazing God is on our side.He knows us intimately and loves us unconditionally warts and all, clumsy coping maneuvers and all.If you haven’t noticed I have somewhat an acquired taste for cliche’s and cheesy stuff….so as they say those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.Take the plunge with me and start the journey to learning to be more honest no matter how vulnerable you feel,the freedom of an honest life is so worth it.
Living Learning Eating 